Showing posts with label dieting failure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dieting failure. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Food Journal : Dieting : Day 7

Oscar nominations are out. Tiger Mom is all over TV. I am in bed with a cold.
The first week went well. I lost 2 lbs by counting calories and staying vegan-ish, mostly. 1100 was my daily goal but I ended up between 1100-1800 daily. Not bad. 
Then I got a cold AND had a weekend trip so I digressed. It's Tuesday today, day 2 of my restart or day 7 (since I took the weekend off). I stilll have a cold but the good news is I am still excited to do the food journal and count calories while trying to make sure it's nutrient dense. What gets me through is unlimited spearmint gum and Periier. :-)
I have no energy to get done what I need to get done but I guess that's dieting mode. I am isolating myself from being too social while dieting because that just messes up my focus (I tend to insert foot in mouth and that can be emotionally taxing too - lol). Am just focusing on the family and home tasks at hand (like nesting that a pregnant woman does - another time when on just has to focus on themselves).
141lbs = now. 125=goal I think. It depends on how the clothes fit. My goal is a size 4 and a ton of face filler in the naso-labial lines that are sure to make themselves seen when there is less fat on my face... and chemical peels... constant, consistent peels until that hot summer sun hits. Ugh.
I think I need to just take 1 meal off a week and not the entire weekend. One meal where I focus on extra protein or fruits or whatever I slacked on during the week and try hard not to do the chocolate I always want. Saturday nights.  
As soon as my cold feels better I plan on working out more. I did a few 20 lb dumbbell chest presses and push-ups and crunches and dancing/stretching with the lights off. All my favorite ways to work out and if I can't be drunk while dancing then in the dark is good enough. Motivated to do more when the cold is beaten and my perpetual headache is gone and the white cells have done their freaking job. OK - so off we go! Up, up and away! (Insert eye roll here.) :-)

What I eat changes every day and some days I am more vegan than others. I just try to keep it healthy, mostly veggies, and write down my calories... here is what I ate yesterday:
5am : black coffee with stevia : 0 calories
9am : whole wheat crackers with honey (ooops) : 200 calories
12pm: Salad with lettuce base and egg crumbles on top : 400 calories
3pm : Almond butter, coconut milk yogurt, organic chicken nuggets (oops) : 700 calories
7pm : Veggies, soup, and a tangerine : 250 calories
TOTAL: 1550 calories

Friday, January 7, 2011

CR Diet: my new "thang"...

Taken by Lola of VeganYumYum
I have a confession to make, yet again, I am a foodie. I am an emotional eater. The only time I feel good is when I get a grip on my diet. The only time I feel good is when I have had around 1100 calories a day.
I have struggled with the same 10-20 lbs my ENTIRE life. I am that yo-yo dieter that one should never be. I obsess about eating or not eating or food or not food until it becomes too much. If food were a pill I could take my life would be sooo much easier.

There! I said it. I confess!

We all know that food can't be as simple as a pill, I know that food is a drug. I know that all the external and emotional cues are my downfall when I am uncentered. I know I need to manage my stress but still stay based in reality. I know that life is not Disneyland... and I know that I actually love a challenge and don't really like Disneyland that much anyway... on a  clear day. :-)

IT IS 2011!
I am reading Madame Bovary for the first time (and I am not usually a fiction reader except for the classics but a recent article in Elle magazine peaked my interest for this book) and it turns out it's a free Kindle download. Fun! :-)

I am reading "The Alternative Day Diet" which kind of makes me feel fun, funky, alternative... a little bit of flaky/svelte Just Jack combined with Ellen (when I dress like her I feel most ME anyway - it's Donna Karan circa 1995)... and it's a version of Caloric Restriction.

That's my current back story.

NOW: What is CRON?
To me it is a way of eating that frees me from all the rules I grew up with. I do not have to finish my daal (lentils), I do not have to eat at a prescribed time, I do not have to follow external cues of commercials or react to the mention of food. I may not have the prettiest face when I am done dieting but I am FREE to do what I want.... to dangle on the edge of anorexia without a clinical diagnosis.
Food is a drug and I love the idea of taking a drug (am a bit stuck in the idea of being a cool hippy-chick despite being a smart health freak who would never smoke or do anything resembling inappropriate... on purpose... despite my thrill seeking, firey personality... if I just redefine my idea of THRILL then anything can be a thrill! How Stepford! I know... trust me... I know what you are thinking. I know how critical the reader is. I don't care. You can't care if you are going to attempt to put your truth out there.)
It's like all the dieting books say: If you take out all the sugar and minimize salt then you can taste real food, taste what life and a carrot is supposed to taste like! The problem is I am afraid of success sometimes (no matter how well I try to set myself up to succeed) and truly have come to enjoy the feeling of being uncomfortably numb and desensitized.

But I digress... refocus... reboot... Calorie Restriction.... the bubble of Calorie Restriction.
It means you eat all the freaking veggies you want within a certain time period and some protein and wee bit of whole grain to get your cells to throw out all the inflammation, all the extra lymph you don't need, all the extra BS that is slowly poisoning your mind/body. SLEEK UP!
Difficult? Yes. Impossible? Maybe.