Sunday, March 20, 2011

To Dani Shapiro regarding her book Devotion

Thank you so much for writing it. The insightful, life lesson giving Sanskrit words I heard a little here and there from my parents while growing up were wonderful to read from someone from a different culture than mine. The sweet, candy-best-bits of the yoga of my grandparents were a treat to read. All the witty Yiddish I got to hear while growing up in New Jersey was wonderful to read about from someone within the culture.
I really related to the struggle between assimilation and holding to one's cultural history and finding our own way within it. I really related to the connection between your father and you. I feel connected/bonded to my parents in that way.
There are cultural things, languages and phrases stuck in my head that I can't seem to say out loud without tears even though it's what I was trained to do and what I do best.  All this despite wanting to share and pass it on to the next generation.
I will think more about this and how to write it better and how to get all of it out of me. There is a rich story of  truth and triumph waiting to be told and I hope I get to take one of your writing courses to figure out how to tell it.
Thank you! Mazel tov on a wonderful story! XX - out (drops microphone loudly on the floor, smiles seductively, and exits stage left) #TurnDownForWhat

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Justin Bieber Movie : the best review ever! :-)

SO I went to go see a Bieber about a thing.. . because he sings and I sing and it's my job so I should see it. Yeah he sounds like Michael Jackson as a kid, yes he's is good, and yes the movie was brilliant movie propaganda (the kind I imagine Russian politicians using).

It starts off showing you how awesome he is, his amazing dance moves, his voice coach,  the good music, the crazy lovesick Beatlemania-isque fans, his grandparents, his team, his mom, his hype-man (Ryan? whose job I have where I work and looooove it!), his struggle to sell out Madison Square (which happens in 22 minutes), him as a child star. It ends by teaching us the words to his biggest song, him bowing to god, him as a child, him being referred to as the underdog (bah) and fade to black.

Marketing genius. I walked out of there wanting to go find my HBO video guy and make it happen, I wrote a song while I was watching the movie (and it's honest and a good start - ahhhh I've just spilled it - that is the thing I should always be doing but never am - the 20 year music career which was taken from me due to medical reasons - the thing I fight for daily - bring it back the voices say - don't waste your 20 years - but there is just fear, solitude, and sadness there now - in that musical space and every musician I meet is a pothead/slacker with no hard core work ethic - I like science, music and dance is my drug... and maybe coffee, I like to work hard, so I am still finding my way and making friends with my protools software slowwwwwwly), it was motivational... not for the children I went with but for the marketing gal in me. 
My computer is having a fit so I will post this and come back to it. Note to self: type up posts in Wordpad first. :-)

Adieu XX

Post Script: The one scene I was surprised they left in was when Justin comes off stage and is still in "serenading the girl/turning on his charm mode" and he hugs everyone and goes to hug his mom who was zoning out probably from fatigue in a corner... they show her surprise expression of "why are you coming up to me in seductive mode"and then she snaps into mom mode and says "That was amazing." I loved that scene too. It was odd enough to stick in my head and shows an example of how they are just taking it one day at a time and alllll raising this teen the best they can.
I love these docu-movies... am hoping there are more! :-)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Charlie Sheen, Joan Rivers, Reality vs Entertainment

My mom died two years ago and I pulled what I will from now on refer to as a Charlie Sheen or Joan Rivers. Reality went away and I went into lalaland.

Like the episode when Joan takes the photo of Melissa in the shower because she is just doing what she does best, pushing the envelope and being an entertainer. Then, Melissa, her daughter, who is mentally based in reality and not entertainment gets upset, verbally bitch-slaps Joan, and basically puts the breaks on their relationship until Joan comes to her senses and apologizes.

Now we have Charlie Sheen, who is frankly saying things I say (just not out-loud in front of a large audience)... "I am tired of pretending I don't rock" or however he phrased it... who needs humble (BAH!), "I am an entertainer, I am putting on a show for you, I am bored and entertaining you and myself... These are my goddesses... I am a warlock" etc. Not exact quotes but that's my interpretation of the gist of it. He is being a modern day Auntie Mame in my opinion.  SO to people who don't understand this, he has lost his mind. To me, he's is just sick of reality and being playful and fun and dramatic and over-the-top. That's better than taking drugs... and far more entertaining for everybody.

I don't know all the details. I am not going to follow that story too closely. There are children being taken away or something. I don't stop and stare at train wrecks (in general I try to give only positive feedback to things I like, and ignore the things I don't - so as not to encourage that horrifying squeaky wheel gets the grease - the loudest complainer gets the most attention - thing. yuck. who needs a planet full of complainers. just say what you gotta' say diplomatically and work it out... but i digress) so I only know what I am typing. I just wanted to comment on what I saw and what it made me think of.

After my mom died my sister would always look at me when I said things and ask, "Who are you?". I dunno'. I am thespian, I am anything at any time. I flip into modes. I am Kim Kardashian one moment ( sorry :-) ) and Joan Rivers the next. I am the perfect, conservative preppy mom at my kids school and a rock n' roller at professional events. I look completely drunk when I wear high heels because it throws off my balance and I just don't care... I go with it.

I think one of the privileges of being a thespian, artistic human, and especially a woman who has hair and dress "costume changes" at her fingertips is we can be anything we want.

XX Adieu
  Cor, gawwwd, where's the spell check?

Chelsea Handler, Dolly Parton and my Food Addiction in my French Regency McMans.

Sitting in my soon to be French Regency styled McMans trying to figure out how to redecorate without having to go through the torture of redecorating. It's like shopping for me... TORTURE! I never get what I want because I am nice and want to make it work for both hubby and I and I tend to dress and want to be around a movie set. I want to live on the Louis XIV set or in the King's Speech and my husband would be sooo disgusted if I fully redecorated that way. I can't help it! I grew up on the stage! SO we are a skit-so mix of French Regency (me) meets  Wall Street contemporary (him).

Ahem, back to taking off the last 35billion lbs. I am a whopping 142lbs and my goal and what is good for my height and health would be 110lb. I haven't been 110lbs since I was maybe 14 yrs old but my mother was 110lbs when she got married and she is 2 inches taller than me so it's fine, trust me.
Why do I want the 110lbs? I am high risk for breast cancer and to be underweight is to have less fat which carries estrogen which makes the good and the bad happen. Being slightly underweight needs to be maintained by a highly nutritive calorie restricted diet, both of which have been shown to be great for life extension.

Why have I weighed 142lbs for about a decade despite continuing to be on some form of diet and exercise at all times? I am a food addict. I dream about eating, when I am not eating I think about it. I hate it. I love it. It makes me out of control. I have it totally under control and am not tempted at all. I love steamed vegetables. I hate steamed vegetables and want something more. Bethenny Frankel is my god. No, now it's Dr. Fuhrman. Now it's those Skinny Bitch girls. No wait it's... all the food noise in my head makes me so crazy that I also spend most of my day wanting a drink. I can't drink. There's just no time for me to be drunk. I have things to do and places to drive my kids and I don't mess with alcohol unless I have like 10 hrs to spare. Sooo that does not come up too often.

I went to the gym 2 days ago and did this hard core dumbbell thing like the good old days. I was gonna' prevent osteoporosis! Whoo! Great posture, looked hot in the mirror, felt great, took a fitness class after and worked out, I was graceful like they say about me, a dancer, a swan, a hottie, perfect form, strong moves, great stance, just perfect... I was going to go every single day because it made me feel so good.  Now I can't walk or move I am so sore... expected but annoying.  Am so sore everything sucks and there is no way I am taking medicine (Advil) for a workout. I am a healthy girl (except for the neurotic stuff in my head,  clearly) who doesn't mess with med's unless she has to.  So because of the pain I just ate everything in the house. There isn't much that is unhealthy but when one is counting 1100-1600 calories a day and just inhales that much within an hour... ugh.

Still 142lbs! Every Monday I start over and have it all under control by Friday and tell myself I will not mess up on the weekend and then I do. Rinse. Repeat adnauseum. I tell myself I am in good company because Chelsea Handler and Dolly Parton do this cycle too! But then I realize they don't have 30lbs to lose.
I have to get a better plan. Back to the food journal notebook. There is a Gala thing next week and have just ordered the dress. I will fit into it. I will fit into it. I will fit into it.

No long goodbyes... thank you for reading! Adieu! XO