Ahem, back to taking off the last 35billion lbs. I am a whopping 142lbs and my goal and what is good for my height and health would be 110lb. I haven't been 110lbs since I was maybe 14 yrs old but my mother was 110lbs when she got married and she is 2 inches taller than me so it's fine, trust me.
Why do I want the 110lbs? I am high risk for breast cancer and to be underweight is to have less fat which carries estrogen which makes the good and the bad happen. Being slightly underweight needs to be maintained by a highly nutritive calorie restricted diet, both of which have been shown to be great for life extension.
Why have I weighed 142lbs for about a decade despite continuing to be on some form of diet and exercise at all times? I am a food addict. I dream about eating, when I am not eating I think about it. I hate it. I love it. It makes me out of control. I have it totally under control and am not tempted at all. I love steamed vegetables. I hate steamed vegetables and want something more. Bethenny Frankel is my god. No, now it's Dr. Fuhrman. Now it's those Skinny Bitch girls. No wait it's... all the food noise in my head makes me so crazy that I also spend most of my day wanting a drink. I can't drink. There's just no time for me to be drunk. I have things to do and places to drive my kids and I don't mess with alcohol unless I have like 10 hrs to spare. Sooo that does not come up too often.
I went to the gym 2 days ago and did this hard core dumbbell thing like the good old days. I was gonna' prevent osteoporosis! Whoo! Great posture, looked hot in the mirror, felt great, took a fitness class after and worked out, I was graceful like they say about me, a dancer, a swan, a hottie, perfect form, strong moves, great stance, just perfect... I was going to go every single day because it made me feel so good. Now I can't walk or move I am so sore... expected but annoying. Am so sore everything sucks and there is no way I am taking medicine (Advil) for a workout. I am a healthy girl (except for the neurotic stuff in my head, clearly) who doesn't mess with med's unless she has to. So because of the pain I just ate everything in the house. There isn't much that is unhealthy but when one is counting 1100-1600 calories a day and just inhales that much within an hour... ugh.
Still 142lbs! Every Monday I start over and have it all under control by Friday and tell myself I will not mess up on the weekend and then I do. Rinse. Repeat adnauseum. I tell myself I am in good company because Chelsea Handler and Dolly Parton do this cycle too! But then I realize they don't have 30lbs to lose.
I have to get a better plan. Back to the food journal notebook. There is a Gala thing next week and have just ordered the dress. I will fit into it. I will fit into it. I will fit into it.
No long goodbyes... thank you for reading! Adieu! XO