Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy with Reconstruction Healing - Week 5 after Surgery

5 days ago I went to see my physician who truly had very little to say about the pain and encouraged me to continue to massage and no heavy lifting but fly-free and push things slowly! 

So I figured I'm on my own here and determined that like a baby I will have to start anew! I quit all daytime pain meds and am using Tylenol at night as needed (sparingly) and am trying to find a way to phase out sleeping sitting upright.

I went back to a place I've loved since I was a child.  I went back to ballet. The long lean posture, and arms for stretching... the beauty of form and peace it brings to my mind. It does for me what yoga does for my friends.

Day 3 of driving a little more every day... I'm sleeping sitting up less often and just on my sides. 

I am at week 5 post-surgery... I hope things continue to get better. I Google things, in the car while parked, when the pain gets overwhelming and I still have a half day ahead of me and the stories online of the women who still feel these things in them and still feel the tightness years later and have formed internal scar tissue they can't break up - well I am working on that not being me and finding a way to help more women in the favorite of my charities I work with.

This surgery is a lot like having a dog so far, or a BMW, or hair extensions... it requires constant attention in the beginning and then lots of tweaking.  The feeling of it being there never leaves one's consciousness. It's very distracting.

I can't wait to post that this feels better but I am only at week five... the 6 week no lifting embargo is almost over. The 3 months go-back-to-the-gym-and-bench-press is yet to begin. The 6 month refining surgery is not soon. The 1 year mark of the light pink possible nipple tattoo I probably won't get isn't here. The 4% hydroquinone to bleach down scars hasn't begun. 

It's all too soon but I'm done blogging I think for now dear reader and I thank you for reading it.

I hope I helped some women who will go through this know what to expect. :)

CR Diet: my new "thang"...

Taken by Lola of VeganYumYum

I have a confession to make, yet again, I am a foodie. I am an emotional eater. The only time I feel good is when I get a grip on my diet. The only time I feel good is when I have had around 1100 calories a day.
I have struggled with the same 10-20 lbs my ENTIRE life. I am that yo-yo dieter that one should never be. I obsess about eating or not eating or food or not food until it becomes too much. If food were a pill I could take my life would be sooo much easier.

There! I said it. I confess!

We all know that food can't be as simple as a pill, I know that food is a drug. I know that all the external and emotional cues are my downfall when I am uncentered. I know I need to manage my stress but still stay based in reality. I know that life is not Disneyland... and I know that I actually love a challenge and don't really like Disneyland that much anyway... on a  clear day. :-)

IT IS 2011!
I am reading Madame Bovary for the first time (and I am not usually a fiction reader except for the classics but a recent article in Elle magazine peaked my interest for this book) and it turns out it's a free Kindle download. Fun! :-)

I am reading "The Alternative Day Diet" which kind of makes me feel fun, funky, alternative... a little bit of flaky/svelte Just Jack combined with Ellen (when I dress like her I feel most ME anyway - it's Donna Karan circa 1995)... and it's a version of Caloric Restriction.

That's my current back story.

NOW: What is CRON?
To me it is a way of eating that frees me from all the rules I grew up with. I do not have to finish my daal (lentils), I do not have to eat at a prescribed time, I do not have to follow external cues of commercials or react to the mention of food. I may not have the prettiest face when I am done dieting but I am FREE to do what I want.... to dangle on the edge of anorexia without a clinical diagnosis.
Food is a drug and I love the idea of taking a drug (am a bit stuck in the idea of being a cool hippy-chick despite being a smart health freak who would never smoke or do anything resembling inappropriate... on purpose... despite my thrill seeking, firey personality... if I just redefine my idea of THRILL then anything can be a thrill! How Stepford! I know... trust me... I know what you are thinking. I know how critical the reader is. I don't care. You can't care if you are going to attempt to put your truth out there.)
It's like all the dieting books say: If you take out all the sugar and minimize salt then you can taste real food, taste what life and a carrot is supposed to taste like! The problem is I am afraid of success sometimes (no matter how well I try to set myself up to succeed) and truly have come to enjoy the feeling of being uncomfortably numb and desensitized.

But I digress... refocus... reboot... Calorie Restriction.... the bubble of Calorie Restriction.
It means you eat all the freaking veggies you want within a certain time period and some protein and wee bit of whole grain to get your cells to throw out all the inflammation, all the extra lymph you don't need, all the extra BS that is slowly poisoning your mind/body. SLEEK UP!
Difficult? Yes. Impossible? Maybe.