Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy with Reconstruction Healing - Week 5 after Surgery

5 days ago I went to see my physician who truly had very little to say about the pain and encouraged me to continue to massage and no heavy lifting but fly-free and push things slowly! 

So I figured I'm on my own here and determined that like a baby I will have to start anew! I quit all daytime pain meds and am using Tylenol at night as needed (sparingly) and am trying to find a way to phase out sleeping sitting upright.

I went back to a place I've loved since I was a child.  I went back to ballet. The long lean posture, and arms for stretching... the beauty of form and peace it brings to my mind. It does for me what yoga does for my friends.

Day 3 of driving a little more every day... I'm sleeping sitting up less often and just on my sides. 

I am at week 5 post-surgery... I hope things continue to get better. I Google things, in the car while parked, when the pain gets overwhelming and I still have a half day ahead of me and the stories online of the women who still feel these things in them and still feel the tightness years later and have formed internal scar tissue they can't break up - well I am working on that not being me and finding a way to help more women in the favorite of my charities I work with.

This surgery is a lot like having a dog so far, or a BMW, or hair extensions... it requires constant attention in the beginning and then lots of tweaking.  The feeling of it being there never leaves one's consciousness. It's very distracting.

I can't wait to post that this feels better but I am only at week five... the 6 week no lifting embargo is almost over. The 3 months go-back-to-the-gym-and-bench-press is yet to begin. The 6 month refining surgery is not soon. The 1 year mark of the light pink possible nipple tattoo I probably won't get isn't here. The 4% hydroquinone to bleach down scars hasn't begun. 

It's all too soon but I'm done blogging I think for now dear reader and I thank you for reading it.

I hope I helped some women who will go through this know what to expect. :)

Be My Book Editor Please! Am Writing An "Anti-Aging Happily Ever After" book...

i remember thinking "be careful not to break it" and as i flipped over the frame on the kitchen island  to properly align the photo that would hopefully brighten my mother's day even a little, because what else could i possibly do to help that wasn't being done, it shattered. i froze. i stopped and just stared at the way the glass had broken. long strips of knife like strips... sharp at every corner... like shiny edged daggers aligned in a beautiful fan shape. one had speared me in the thigh (a scar that never ceases to remind me of that moment) and was sticking straight up and i just watched it for what felt like minutes but in reality was seconds. I wasn't sure what my next tactical movement should be but also wanted to live in that escapist moment for as long as i could.


what a relief in an odd way to pause all the chaos and fear and panic that raced through my head constantly and stare at the beautiful fan shape of glass sticking out of my thigh. i wanted to live in that moment. i wanted to swim in that moment, to never leave it... like a good book you want never to end.


my mother... my mother... my mother... my smiling, nurturing, encouraging, role modeling best friend and the woman i had been obsessed with and based all my thoughts, life outlooks, and opinions on since i was born was going through the unthinkable - fighting a battle with metastasized cancer that had come back like some unchecked demon viking to wreak havoc on an otherwise perfect, generous, positive being.


we were there every day. all of us. the father, the mother, the daughter, the surgeon, the son, the daughter, the son-in-law, the son-in-law to be, the caretaker, the other doctor, the healer, the nutritionist, the cook, the woman that helped you imagine healing, the modern scientist, the ayurvedic healer, the friend, the other friend, the many friends, the people with tears, the people with strength, the idiot brother who called so say goodbye in the midst of her battle (who i try to forgive every day) as if she already was going as if it was decided (idiot monster nightmmare that he is), the helpers, the protein shakes when the chemo hurt her GI too much, the organic,the vegan, the many books on cancer, the injustice, the shock, the things unsaid, the managing of a grand mal... and i just wanted to live in that glassy, shiny, dagger in my thigh moment for as long as i could..


how did this all begin? where does cancer begin? on a toxic railroad in a 3rd world city? do we pick up something as children, store it in our fat for 20 yrs and then it becomes cancer? are we hormonally imbalanced and perimenopause makes it happen? what are the secrets the centenarians hold? why do some centenarians drink and smoke and still live forever... why should i be good if it doesn't up my chances at immortality.


This process brought me to where I am now... happy in my CRON world of Anti-Aging I call it. The older I get the harder i CRON and find new ways to use the plastic surgeons magical filler. i want to spill all my secrets...

http://pinkaliciousintentions.blogspot.com - out (drops microphone loudly on the floor, smiles seductively, and exits stage left) #TurnDownForWhat