Dukan Diet Day 2 (non-dairy)

I am doing the Dukan for the first time. Am on day 2 and I can't do dairy and am usually vegan so am forcing myself to have eggs (i enjoy) and chicken (i get grossed out about).... but something had to be done. I put on 8 lbs over the last few months and feel very uncomfy in my own skin and counting calories makes me miserable all day. The protein thing most definitely works well for me.

I ate eggs and chicken and oat bran yesterday and lost 3 lbs of water weight (but i had just had something salty/sweet the days before... it was delicious disgustingly good thai curry... so i had a lot of water weight to lose :) )

i am hoping adding approved "cruise" veggies back in my life on day 5 doesnt make me crazy hungry all the time again.  i love how on their website it gives you a concrete weight loss amount by a concrete day. so motivating and bold. love it! 5lbs down, 25 to go!


WAIT: THEN I REALLLLLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT AND HAVE FUN DOING IT: CLICK HERE

http://pinkaliciousintentions.blogspot.com - out (drops microphone loudly on the floor, smiles seductively, and exits stage left) #TurnDownForWhat

On Writers

I have been thinking a lot about writers in general and writing. It's kinda' like when you decide to be an actor and just do it... and do it... 'til you get acclaim for it... or not. I have always wanted wanted to write my story. It has no big, huge, dramatic, moments... rawther more, teenage, big, dramatic moments. What is it like growing up on stage? What is it like doing a job you don't reallllly want to but know know you should appreciate because it has it's HUGE, celebrity-impacting moments. What is it like wanting to write a tell-all but being married to a normal, responsible adult who would never want to be involved in a tell-all story.  How do those "Real Housewives" make peace with it all... all the editing for bad behavior? I suppose in this day and age it will be soon forgotten or unimportant in the grand scheme.

Sooo writing - I wanted to tell my mother's story. I wanted it to be the example my friends wanted it to be, "Tell us how your mother lived. She obviously had it all figures out and was such a shining example."  I say they should go to India. That mode of thinking will help them. That big-picture mentality would be nice. They like that. 

I read memoirs... I read memoirs of people in a mind-life crisis. I read Penelope Trunk. I read women circa their 30's and 40's (I was 9 when I realized my awesome mother was awesome in her 30's and only getting more awesome in her 40's - prettier, smarter, more everything - and I knew that was THE AGE to be - the age Anna Wintour is frozen in to me.)  and I knew she was who I wanted to be... an independent woman with an amazing moral compass and was top drawer.

Then I grew up and wanted to be the "Auntie Mame" version of me mum. Amazing, perfect, and hec yeah a little glam. Oh, gawd I am boring myself. Am gonna' go finish this champagne and plan an anti-food-binge to get ready for the fashion show. #NervousNellyIsMyNewName :-)

Be My Book Editor Please! Am Writing An "Anti-Aging Happily Ever After" book...

i remember thinking "be careful not to break it" and as i flipped over the frame on the kitchen island  to properly align the photo that would hopefully brighten my mother's day even a little, because what else could i possibly do to help that wasn't being done, it shattered. i froze. i stopped and just stared at the way the glass had broken. long strips of knife like strips... sharp at every corner... like shiny edged daggers aligned in a beautiful fan shape. one had speared me in the thigh (a scar that never ceases to remind me of that moment) and was sticking straight up and i just watched it for what felt like minutes but in reality was seconds. I wasn't sure what my next tactical movement should be but also wanted to live in that escapist moment for as long as i could.


what a relief in an odd way to pause all the chaos and fear and panic that raced through my head constantly and stare at the beautiful fan shape of glass sticking out of my thigh. i wanted to live in that moment. i wanted to swim in that moment, to never leave it... like a good book you want never to end.


my mother... my mother... my mother... my smiling, nurturing, encouraging, role modeling best friend and the woman i had been obsessed with and based all my thoughts, life outlooks, and opinions on since i was born was going through the unthinkable - fighting a battle with metastasized cancer that had come back like some unchecked demon viking to wreak havoc on an otherwise perfect, generous, positive being.


we were there every day. all of us. the father, the mother, the daughter, the surgeon, the son, the daughter, the son-in-law, the son-in-law to be, the caretaker, the other doctor, the healer, the nutritionist, the cook, the woman that helped you imagine healing, the modern scientist, the ayurvedic healer, the friend, the other friend, the many friends, the people with tears, the people with strength, the idiot brother who called so say goodbye in the midst of her battle (who i try to forgive every day) as if she already was going as if it was decided (idiot monster nightmmare that he is), the helpers, the protein shakes when the chemo hurt her GI too much, the organic,the vegan, the many books on cancer, the injustice, the shock, the things unsaid, the managing of a grand mal... and i just wanted to live in that glassy, shiny, dagger in my thigh moment for as long as i could..


how did this all begin? where does cancer begin? on a toxic railroad in a 3rd world city? do we pick up something as children, store it in our fat for 20 yrs and then it becomes cancer? are we hormonally imbalanced and perimenopause makes it happen? what are the secrets the centenarians hold? why do some centenarians drink and smoke and still live forever... why should i be good if it doesn't up my chances at immortality.


This process brought me to where I am now... happy in my CRON world of Anti-Aging I call it. The older I get the harder i CRON and find new ways to use the plastic surgeons magical filler. i want to spill all my secrets...

http://pinkaliciousintentions.blogspot.com - out (drops microphone loudly on the floor, smiles seductively, and exits stage left) #TurnDownForWhat

To Dani Shapiro regarding her book Devotion

Thank you so much for writing it. The insightful, life lesson giving Sanskrit words I heard a little here and there from my parents while growing up were wonderful to read from someone from a different culture than mine. The sweet, candy-best-bits of the yoga of my grandparents were a treat to read. All the witty Yiddish I got to hear while growing up in New Jersey was wonderful to read about from someone within the culture.
I really related to the struggle between assimilation and holding to one's cultural history and finding our own way within it. I really related to the connection between your father and you. I feel connected/bonded to my parents in that way.
There are cultural things, languages and phrases stuck in my head that I can't seem to say out loud without tears even though it's what I was trained to do and what I do best.  All this despite wanting to share and pass it on to the next generation.
I will think more about this and how to write it better and how to get all of it out of me. There is a rich story of  truth and triumph waiting to be told and I hope I get to take one of your writing courses to figure out how to tell it.
Thank you! Mazel tov on a wonderful story! XX

http://pinkaliciousintentions.blogspot.com - out (drops microphone loudly on the floor, smiles seductively, and exits stage left) #TurnDownForWhat

The Justin Bieber Movie : the best review ever! :-)

SO I went to go see a Bieber about a thing.. . because he sings and I sing and it's my job so I should see it. Yeah he sounds like Michael Jackson as a kid, yes he's is good, and yes the movie was brilliant movie propaganda (the kind I imagine Russian politicians using).

It starts off showing you how awesome he is, his amazing dance moves, his voice coach,  the good music, the crazy lovesick Beatlemania-isque fans, his grandparents, his team, his mom, his hype-man (Ryan? whose job I have where I work and looooove it!), his struggle to sell out Madison Square (which happens in 22 minutes), him as a child star. It ends by teaching us the words to his biggest song, him bowing to god, him as a child, him being referred to as the underdog (bah) and fade to black.

Marketing genius. I walked out of there wanting to go find my HBO video guy and make it happen, I wrote a song while I was watching the movie (and it's honest and a good start - ahhhh I've just spilled it - that is the thing I should always be doing but never am - the 20 year music career which was taken from me due to medical reasons - the thing I fight for daily - bring it back the voices say - don't waste your 20 years - but there is just fear, solitude, and sadness there now - in that musical space and every musician I meet is a pothead/slacker with no hard core work ethic - I like science, music and dance is my drug... and maybe coffee, I like to work hard, so I am still finding my way and making friends with my protools software slowwwwwwly), it was motivational... not for the children I went with but for the marketing gal in me. 
My computer is having a fit so I will post this and come back to it. Note to self: type up posts in Wordpad first. :-)

Adieu XX

Post Script: The one scene I was surprised they left in was when Justin comes off stage and is still in "serenading the girl/turning on his charm mode" and he hugs everyone and goes to hug his mom who was zoning out probably from fatigue in a corner... they show her surprise expression of "why are you coming up to me in seductive mode"and then she snaps into mom mode and says "That was amazing." I loved that scene too. It was odd enough to stick in my head and shows an example of how they are just taking it one day at a time and alllll raising this teen the best they can.
I love these docu-movies... am hoping there are more! :-)

Charlie Sheen, Joan Rivers, Reality vs Entertainment

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My mom died two years ago and I pulled what I will from now on refer to as a Charlie Sheen or Joan Rivers. Reality went away and I went into lalaland.

Like the episode when Joan takes the photo of Melissa in the shower because she is just doing what she does best, pushing the envelope and being an entertainer. Then, Melissa, her daughter, who is mentally based in reality and not entertainment gets upset, verbally bitch-slaps Joan, and basically puts the breaks on their relationship until Joan comes to her senses and apologizes.

Now we have Charlie Sheen, who is frankly saying things I say (just not out-loud in front of a large audience)... "I am tired of pretending I don't rock" or however he phrased it... who needs humble (BAH!), "I am an entertainer, I am putting on a show for you, I am bored and entertaining you and myself... These are my goddesses... I am a warlock" etc. Not exact quotes but that's my interpretation of the gist of it. He is being a modern day Auntie Mame in my opinion.  SO to people who don't understand this, he has lost his mind. To me, he's is just sick of reality and being playful and fun and dramatic and over-the-top. That's better than taking drugs... and far more entertaining for everybody.

I don't know all the details. I am not going to follow that story too closely. There are children being taken away or something. I don't stop and stare at train wrecks (in general I try to give only positive feedback to things I like, and ignore the things I don't - so as not to encourage that horrifying squeaky wheel gets the grease - the loudest complainer gets the most attention - thing. yuck. who needs a planet full of complainers. just say what you gotta' say diplomatically and work it out... but i digress) so I only know what I am typing. I just wanted to comment on what I saw and what it made me think of.

After my mom died my sister would always look at me when I said things and ask, "Who are you?". I dunno'. I am thespian, I am anything at any time. I flip into modes. I am Kim Kardashian one moment ( sorry :-) ) and Joan Rivers the next. I am the perfect, conservative preppy mom at my kids school and a rock n' roller at professional events. I look completely drunk when I wear high heels because it throws off my balance and I just don't care... I go with it.

I think one of the privileges of being a thespian, artistic human, and especially a woman who has hair and dress "costume changes" at her fingertips is we can be anything we want.

XX Adieu
  Cor, gawwwd, where's the spell check?

Chelsea Handler, Dolly Parton and my Food Addiction in my French Regency McMans.

Sitting in my soon to be French Regency styled McMans trying to figure out how to redecorate without having to go through the torture of redecorating. It's like shopping for me... TORTURE! I never get what I want because I am nice and want to make it work for both hubby and I and I tend to dress and want to be around a movie set. I want to live on the Louis XIV set or in the King's Speech and my husband would be sooo disgusted if I fully redecorated that way. I can't help it! I grew up on the stage! SO we are a skit-so mix of French Regency (me) meets  Wall Street contemporary (him).

Ahem, back to taking off the last 35billion lbs. I am a whopping 142lbs and my goal and what is good for my height and health would be 110lb. I haven't been 110lbs since I was maybe 14 yrs old but my mother was 110lbs when she got married and she is 2 inches taller than me so it's fine, trust me.
Why do I want the 110lbs? I am high risk for breast cancer and to be underweight is to have less fat which carries estrogen which makes the good and the bad happen. Being slightly underweight needs to be maintained by a highly nutritive calorie restricted diet, both of which have been shown to be great for life extension.

Why have I weighed 142lbs for about a decade despite continuing to be on some form of diet and exercise at all times? I am a food addict. I dream about eating, when I am not eating I think about it. I hate it. I love it. It makes me out of control. I have it totally under control and am not tempted at all. I love steamed vegetables. I hate steamed vegetables and want something more. Bethenny Frankel is my god. No, now it's Dr. Fuhrman. Now it's those Skinny Bitch girls. No wait it's... all the food noise in my head makes me so crazy that I also spend most of my day wanting a drink. I can't drink. There's just no time for me to be drunk. I have things to do and places to drive my kids and I don't mess with alcohol unless I have like 10 hrs to spare. Sooo that does not come up too often.

I went to the gym 2 days ago and did this hard core dumbbell thing like the good old days. I was gonna' prevent osteoporosis! Whoo! Great posture, looked hot in the mirror, felt great, took a fitness class after and worked out, I was graceful like they say about me, a dancer, a swan, a hottie, perfect form, strong moves, great stance, just perfect... I was going to go every single day because it made me feel so good.  Now I can't walk or move I am so sore... expected but annoying.  Am so sore everything sucks and there is no way I am taking medicine (Advil) for a workout. I am a healthy girl (except for the neurotic stuff in my head,  clearly) who doesn't mess with med's unless she has to.  So because of the pain I just ate everything in the house. There isn't much that is unhealthy but when one is counting 1100-1600 calories a day and just inhales that much within an hour... ugh.

Still 142lbs! Every Monday I start over and have it all under control by Friday and tell myself I will not mess up on the weekend and then I do. Rinse. Repeat adnauseum. I tell myself I am in good company because Chelsea Handler and Dolly Parton do this cycle too! But then I realize they don't have 30lbs to lose.
I have to get a better plan. Back to the food journal notebook. There is a Gala thing next week and have just ordered the dress. I will fit into it. I will fit into it. I will fit into it.

No long goodbyes... thank you for reading! Adieu! XO