Chelsea Handler, Dolly Parton and my Food Addiction in my French Regency McMans.

Sitting in my soon to be French Regency styled McMans trying to figure out how to redecorate without having to go through the torture of redecorating. It's like shopping for me... TORTURE! I never get what I want because I am nice and want to make it work for both hubby and I and I tend to dress and want to be around a movie set. I want to live on the Louis XIV set or in the King's Speech and my husband would be sooo disgusted if I fully redecorated that way. I can't help it! I grew up on the stage! SO we are a skit-so mix of French Regency (me) meets  Wall Street contemporary (him).

Ahem, back to taking off the last 35billion lbs. I am a whopping 142lbs and my goal and what is good for my height and health would be 110lb. I haven't been 110lbs since I was maybe 14 yrs old but my mother was 110lbs when she got married and she is 2 inches taller than me so it's fine, trust me.
Why do I want the 110lbs? I am high risk for breast cancer and to be underweight is to have less fat which carries estrogen which makes the good and the bad happen. Being slightly underweight needs to be maintained by a highly nutritive calorie restricted diet, both of which have been shown to be great for life extension.

Why have I weighed 142lbs for about a decade despite continuing to be on some form of diet and exercise at all times? I am a food addict. I dream about eating, when I am not eating I think about it. I hate it. I love it. It makes me out of control. I have it totally under control and am not tempted at all. I love steamed vegetables. I hate steamed vegetables and want something more. Bethenny Frankel is my god. No, now it's Dr. Fuhrman. Now it's those Skinny Bitch girls. No wait it's... all the food noise in my head makes me so crazy that I also spend most of my day wanting a drink. I can't drink. There's just no time for me to be drunk. I have things to do and places to drive my kids and I don't mess with alcohol unless I have like 10 hrs to spare. Sooo that does not come up too often.

I went to the gym 2 days ago and did this hard core dumbbell thing like the good old days. I was gonna' prevent osteoporosis! Whoo! Great posture, looked hot in the mirror, felt great, took a fitness class after and worked out, I was graceful like they say about me, a dancer, a swan, a hottie, perfect form, strong moves, great stance, just perfect... I was going to go every single day because it made me feel so good.  Now I can't walk or move I am so sore... expected but annoying.  Am so sore everything sucks and there is no way I am taking medicine (Advil) for a workout. I am a healthy girl (except for the neurotic stuff in my head,  clearly) who doesn't mess with med's unless she has to.  So because of the pain I just ate everything in the house. There isn't much that is unhealthy but when one is counting 1100-1600 calories a day and just inhales that much within an hour... ugh.

Still 142lbs! Every Monday I start over and have it all under control by Friday and tell myself I will not mess up on the weekend and then I do. Rinse. Repeat adnauseum. I tell myself I am in good company because Chelsea Handler and Dolly Parton do this cycle too! But then I realize they don't have 30lbs to lose.
I have to get a better plan. Back to the food journal notebook. There is a Gala thing next week and have just ordered the dress. I will fit into it. I will fit into it. I will fit into it.

No long goodbyes... thank you for reading! Adieu! XO

Food Journal : Dieting : Day 7

Oscar nominations are out. Tiger Mom is all over TV. I am in bed with a cold.

The first week went well. I lost 2 lbs by counting calories and staying vegan-ish, mostly. 1100 was my daily goal but I ended up between 1100-1800 daily. Not bad. 

Then I got a cold AND had a weekend trip so I digressed. It's Tuesday today, day 2 of my restart or day 7 (since I took the weekend off). I stilll have a cold but the good news is I am still excited to do the food journal and count calories while trying to make sure it's nutrient dense. What gets me through is unlimited spearmint gum and Periier. :-)

I have no energy to get done what I need to get done but I guess that's dieting mode. I am isolating myself from being too social while dieting because that just messes up my focus (I tend to insert foot in mouth and that can be emotionally taxing too - lol). Am just focusing on the family and home tasks at hand (like nesting that a pregnant woman does - another time when on just has to focus on themselves).

141lbs = now. 125=goal I think. It depends on how the clothes fit. My goal is a size 4 and a ton of face filler in the naso-labial lines that are sure to make themselves seen when there is less fat on my face... and chemical peels... constant, consistent peels until that hot summer sun hits. Ugh.

I think I need to just take 1 meal off a week and not the entire weekend. One meal where I focus on extra protein or fruits or whatever I slacked on during the week and try hard not to do the chocolate I always want. Saturday nights.  

As soon as my cold feels better I plan on working out more. I did a few 20 lb dumbbell chest presses and push-ups and crunches and dancing/stretching with the lights off. All my favorite ways to work out and if I can't be drunk while dancing then in the dark is good enough. Motivated to do more when the cold is beaten and my perpetual headache is gone and the white cells have done their freaking job. OK - so off we go! Up, up and away! (Insert eye roll here.) :-)

What I eat changes every day and some days I am more vegan than others. I just try to keep it healthy, mostly veggies, and write down my calories... here is what I ate yesterday:

5am : black coffee with stevia : 0 calories

9am : whole wheat crackers with honey (ooops) : 200 calories

12pm: Salad with lettuce base and egg crumbles on top : 400 calories

3pm : Almond butter, coconut milk yogurt, organic chicken nuggets (oops) : 700 calories

7pm : Veggies, soup, and a tangerine : 250 calories

TOTAL: 1550 calories