Miserable... miserable... out of control miserable. Too many external eating cues, too much nonsense. I don't even think I made horrible choices.... but there were just too many social opportunities and although I chose well and tried my best not to pig out... all those opportunities add up. Anyway, feeling huge and gross and there is still cupcake mix in the house before the home is purged of all temptation. That excites me.... after the sugar is once again gone it's so much easier (No worries, there is still kid food in the house for the wee ones - organic sweet potato fries, organic no hormone chicken nuggets, health food store kid cereal, etc.... and gawd bless them they actually love my lentil soup with sweet potato, brown rice and Chinese 5-spice, and Pumpkin Spice on top of all the Indian spice, steamed broccoli with soy sauce, and onions with peas and mushrooms etc.).SO yes I feel awful and am tempted to write about it to remind myself how awful it is to feel awful when out of control and plan-less but it's almost too awful to confess. To let food and addiction to food control how I feel about myself seems stupid, not what a smarty like me should get wound up about. It's painful feeling like a loser. So I am focusing on the plan and tomorrow and the positive. (Insert smile here.) Like Scarlett in "Gone With the Wind" I say tomorrow is another day. Adieu. XO
UPDATE: 1pm that same day: "I'm drunk, and right now I'm so in love with you..." (NIN). I had 2 glasses of Italian Pinot Grigio after doing Jamie King's "Rock Your Body" DVD in which I truly did rock. Honestly, I don't really drink and 2 is plenty, thank you. So am doing bread and time until I can feel presentable. The kids are playing Wii, Xbox and are on their bikes... and their mother is drunk and typing in the pantry. I confess and cop to this and tell you this because I think "pathetic" in an otherwise perfect life is so much more interesting than "perfect" all the time. That must be why the Desperate Housewives of Bravo are so popular. (Did I mention I was offered the Real Housewives of New York thing but honestly don't know what that would do to my stress level or my kids?) I think that must be why the infamous Snooky is so popular. I caught the show for 5 minutes and was more disgusted with myself because I couldn't see anything outlandish - I mean, I would do that if I just let all my respect for my parent's values go - which frankly is too easy... especially when anonymous. Everyone has sex, why not on TV? Oh gawd.... have grossed myself out. Note to self: do not update the blog when tipsy. Adieu. XO
